parents corner
Monthly Director's
Letters
April 2010
"Staff Picks"
Discovery Faculty's Beloved Children's Books
by Elaine Winter
Sometimes young children’s literature tugs at our heartstrings –
we remember how it felt to hear a story read to us when we were small. Or
we recall reading it aloud to a child, now grown. Maybe it was our sister’s
favorite. Or we simply love the illustrations, enjoy the humor, or have
fun making it come alive for an eager listener. Other times we’re
drawn to a book because it contains a message our child can relate to, grow
with and learn from.
At Discovery, we care deeply about books and integrate them into all we
do. Teachers use informational and fiction books, picture and board books,
poems and rhymes. Preschoolers narrate and illustrate their own, often about
a shared experience or fantasy.
Because of who we are and the breadth of our offerings, we organize our
library in a unique fashion, hoping Dewey would approve. Quick and easy
access is our watchword, as teachers hunt for “just the right story”
in the time it takes one class to exit a space and the next to take its
place. We looked for a system that would work as well for an On My Own class
as it did for art, music, dance, gymnastics, Tae Kwondo, summer camp, etc….
As a result, our quirky categories focus on topics such as, toddler feelings
(When Sophie Gets Angry by Molly Bang), movement (In the Tall, Tall Grass
by Denise Fleming), rhyming (Where Is The Green Sheep by Mem Fox), colors
(Little Blue and Little Yellow by Leo Lionni), counting (Ten Little Fingers
and Ten Little Toes by Mem Fox), seasons (Over in the Meadow by Michael
Evans) … you get it. We find this system reflects the multitude of
experiences and developmental lenses that apply at Discovery.
So it is with this overlay of nostalgia, affection and specific criteria
that we offer you these “Staff Picks” from some of the teachers
you know and admire:
Renee’s picks include
Where the Wild Things Are, by Maurice Sendak, My Many Colored Days, by Dr.
Seuss and Giraffes Can’t Dance, by Giles Anderae.
Annaliese also loves Where
the Wild Things Are, and says “My mother would read this story to
my sister and me and we would pretend we were one of the characters.”
Katie suggests Punk Farm by
Jarrett Krosocka, who is also the illustrator … and Katie’s
good friend! “It’s a very funny book about animals who form
a band while the farmer is asleep at night.” Barnyard Dance by Sandra
Boynton offers the perfect backdrop for movement and dance.
Liz likes The Gruffalo by
Julia Donaldson “because it's clever the way kids can be” and
Mouse Paint by Ellen Stoll Walsh “because it's fun”. For dancing,
she chooses Fortunately by Remy Charlip, Silly Sally by Audrey Wood, From
Head to Toe by Eric Carle, and We're Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen.
Among Loretta’s special
books are: Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfiater, Madeline (“in two straight
lines…”), by Ludwig Bemelmans, Babar and His Friends on Vacation,
based on characters created by Jean and Laurent de Brunhoff and Clifford
the Big Red Dog, by Norman Bridwell, which also has its own song.
Jessica likes Green Eggs and
Ham by Dr. Seuss, “of course!”
A favorite of Little Samurai teacher Karin
Hillman is The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein.
Barbara loves reading Frederick
by Leo Lionni. Frederick the mouse secretly stores poems and images to help
his fellow mice forget their hunger and have hope. Beautiful.
Tonio likes adding puppets
to Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastmann.
Veronica (Ronnie) recommends
these humorous books by Olga Litowinsky: Boats for Bedtime, Bug Blast and
Oliver’s High Flying Adventure.
Kyra loves Too Much Junk
Food from the Berenstein Bears series by Stan and Mike Berenstain.
And here are a few that I love reading to kids: Liz’s Fortunately,
for example, is great good fun and appeals to a wide range of ages. There’s
a small board book called A Good Day by Kevin Henkes - a terrific illustration
of resilience at work. I Love You All Day Long, by Francesca Rusackas reminds
children that their mom/parent loves them just as much when they’re
apart as when they are together, when they excel and when they stumble.
They love them unconditionally and “all day long.”
Finally, our founder, executive director and doting grandmother Lisa
Stark loves reading Goodnight Moon and Runaway Bunny by
Margaret Wise Brown. “If you run away, I will run after you. For you
are my little bunny.”
THE END
March 2010
ME COME, TOO! WHEN A PARENT TRAVELS
by Elaine Winter
You’ve
been home with your newborn for 2 months, but now you’re back and
need to travel for work. Just 3 days, but you’ve never left him before,
not overnight at least. You’re the one who gives him his bottle when
he wakes up and tucks him in at night … every night.
Lulu is two and a half, verbal and feisty! She likes to walk next to you
instead of riding in her stroller. You’ve told her you’re going
away for a few days to visit her Uncle Gerry. You haven’t told her
he is ill. “Me come, too, Mommy!” she repeats, her protestations
growing louder and louder the more you try to reassure.
Karen is four. She does NOT want to go to school if her mommy and daddy
aren’t here. She does NOT want to stay with her Grammy Kaye. It’s
not FAIR! Just because it’s your anniversary doesn’t mean you
have to go away and leave her. She thought you were a FAMILY!
Oooh, the guilt! Whether or not you have a partner, helpful relatives, or
sturdy finances, it’s hard to brush aside the guilt when, valise in
hand, you give your toddler that good-bye hug. Not to worry! There are ways
to smooth your leave-taking process, slip a little fun into the process
and allow your child to become a partner in this challenging experience
of separateness. Below are a few strategies that can be molded to fit your
situation:
1. Whenever possible, invite other adults to share
in your child’s day: Allow your partner or caregiver to put
her to bed on occasion. Hire a sitter for an afternoon or even an hour while
you stay nearby, possibly in another room. Invite a neighbor or other mom
over for casual visits. When the time nears for your departure, involve
your daughter’s caregiver in her daily routines, normalizing the role
and allowing her trust and comfort to deepen. Best if your overnight trip
isn’t her first experience in the care of others.
2. Counsel your caregiver to stick to the tried and
true: Young children thrive on the familiar: familiar routines, foods,
clothing, even familiar music and bedtime stories - all create soothing
rhythms and a sense of security. Encourage your caregiver to stick to the
experiences and routines your toddler knows best and to pace them with his
energy and endurance in mind. In other words, a trip to the zoo should replace
playground time, not nap or story; active outdoor or gym play should be
balanced with calm, restful stretches, and exciting or surprising events
planned for early in the day.
3. Maintain a sense of closeness: Many children
find comfort in a photo or item of yours that they can hold or wear, and
if you’re feeling more adventurous, you might try your hand at a trip
book - just a few words and simple drawings that illustrate the sequence
of your trip – a plane ride, a meeting, bedtime… ending with
a picture of you and your baby in a great big hug! Skype chats outstrip
phone calls for connecting with young ones. Yes, they’re virtual,
even magical seeming, but they offer a sense of closeness, a chance for
your child to hear AND see you when you’re far away. Whatever your
means of connectedness, stick to a set time of day – something your
child can count on, anticipate and enjoy.
4. Create a “countdown calendar”:
Young children’s sense of time is personal and of-the-moment. What
feels long IS long, and vice versa: children who feel emotionally safe and
engage in meaningful activity, are likely to be unaware of its passing.
With a “countdown calendar” your child can chart the days until
your return, and as they do so, gain greater control over your absence.
A first step is to personalize this calendar and give it meaning. Just as
teachers replace hours and minutes with concrete references (“Your
mommy’s coming right after snack.”), so can you. Your toddler
may be able to count the number of “sleeps” until you return
by removing one block each day from a stack equal to the number of nights
you are away. When the stack has disappeared, you’re on your way home!
Some parents substitute a basket of small surprises or a tin of cookies…
whatever feels most meaningful and fun. Preschool age children can interpret
more symbolic representations. They may enjoy an actual calendar, with stickers
on the “away” days and your photo on the return date.
5. Finally, banish the guilt! Say good-bye
with a hug, a kiss and a reassuring smile, knowing that you’ve set
the stage with care and developmental know how. Like other transitions,
separations are both foundational and inevitable, essential to your child’s
emerging sense of self and emotional development. Parents come back, is
the lesson. Every trip ends in a reunion, every away in together!
February 2010
DUMPLINGS & CHOCOLATE HEARTS
by Elaine Winter
Is it
just me? I was brought up knowing that February 14th and Valentine’s
Day are one in the same. Someone mentions the date and immediately I see
cupids and chocolate hearts. End of story. Now in 2010, I learn that February
14th is the Lunar New Year – very first day of the Year of the Tiger.
How can this be - and what do we do about Valentine’s Day? To be honest,
this is not a day I particularly want to share with another holiday.
Here’s why: Where I grew up in the Ohio heartland, you were what your
neighbors were. “Culture” meant the Cleveland Symphony Orchestra,
and “multiculturalism” was not yet on the horizon. The very
same holidays were celebrated in our homes and in our classrooms. Not only
did our teachers proclaim Valentine’s Day with red foil and doilies,
they taught us to make Easter baskets, cornucopias and Christmas cards.
Thanksgiving, Christmas and Valentine’s Day …these were the
holidays that defined our year for us and, like the seasons, marked its
passage.
As my world broadened, windows opened onto cultural beliefs and traditions
that enlightened me in ways I couldn’t have imagined when I was growing
up in Cleveland. Along with many others, the opportunity to extend these
understandings/experiences is a big reason why I chose to live here –
so that my family and I can enrich our worlds through those of others. My
NYC children grew up with very different reference points from those of
my Cleveland childhood. For them, it’s always been a given that families
celebrate according to their own beliefs. And classrooms play a key role
as places for the sharing of diverse beliefs and traditions – all
of them equal in mystery and magnitude.
Today, as a resident of Chinatown, I draw a deep breath before the New Year
arrives. I know our street will be clogged with lion dancers, red confetti,
long-branched cherry blossoms and never-ending, clamorous parades. But then,
I need only to step onto the D train for the clamor to disappear instantly
as I make my way uptown to Discovery. Maybe this year, I will bring just
a little of the Year of the Tiger to our Upper West Side kids, so they can
hear that this year February 14th is wearing two very different cultural
hats. What fun that is!
GUNG HAY FAT CHOY and HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, Everyone!
January 2010
JANUARY: THE NEW SEPTEMBER
by Elaine Winter
Aaaah
– December break, that long awaited hiatus when we finally give ourselves
over to family, celebrations and general catching up. Everyday routines
become looser, more fluid and spontaneous. Unpredictability is in the air,
and our children’s schedules, whether by necessity or design, grow
considerably more relaxed.
If we travel, their meal and nap times are shaped by flight schedules and
service area stops. When we visit, mealtimes vary. A strange bed takes getting
used to, as do unfamiliar sounds and scents. Our tots likely to have an
easier time of it if we do the hosting and they stick to their home turf.
Though we ourselves may be pulled in several directions: quality kid moments
bumping up against trips to the supermarket, meal making, gift wrapping
and visiting.
On the plus side, we are certainly able to spend time with our children
in ways not possible during the work week: cuddling on the couch, walking
the dog, lingering in a library, even sharing that trip to the supermarket.
These are the real joys – for us and for our children. And just as
they seem truly to get the hang of this less structured, surprise-filled
rhythm, it comes to an abrupt halt signaled by an early bath and bedtime
on Sunday evening. Time to get ready for school!
A return to school marks the end of easy, intimate, go-with-the-flow rhythms,
of leisurely mornings, and days filled with mom and dad. Our kids somehow
sense what they’ll be missing as well as the challenges that lie ahead
- a readjustment to group life and tightly scheduled days. Less vivid to
them may be all the fun, nurturance and learning that a schoolday holds.
Framed by these rekindled fears and longings for home, January truly is
the new September for most toddlers.
As their parents, we can’t hope to assuage all flickers of resistance
and apprehension, but we can take steps to make our child’s re-entry
a smoother, even esteem-building experience. For example:
• A few days before school is to begin, move gradually toward more
consistent, school-friendly routines for bedtime, meals and start of day.
• Allow these days to take on a calm, predictable rhythm. No big surprises
or patience-taxing visits. Even a little boredom isn’t the worst thing.
• Talk easily about the changes ahead, placing them within a family
context. Office and school, for example. Point out what will change and
what will stay the same.
• Arrange a playdate with someone from your child’s class or
a meeting on the playground.
• Stroll by school with your child and say hello to the doorperson
or security guard.
• If your youngster is old enough, help them chart the number of “sleeps”
until school begins, building in predictability and concretizing it with
beans or cubes moved from one box to another.
• Talk through the start of the schoolday. “After we have breakfast,
we’ll get you into your jacket, into the stroller, and we’ll
zip down the street. When we get to school, Mommy will take off your jacket
and we’ll go in and chat with Jane. Maybe Harry and Carlos will be
there too.”
• Create a guessing game around teachers’ or children’s
names. “Who says ‘Good Morning, William!’ when you walk
in the room?” “Who always holds a little car when he comes into
class?” “Who lives right here in our building?”
• If your household includes more than one child, encourage older
sibs to talk about what they’re looking forward to: seeing their friends,
taking a class trip or beginning a new after school class.
• During quiet moments, maybe at bedtime, help your child remember
back to activities and people they enjoy. “Remember how much fun you
have in that gym class?” “I was thinking about that painting
you brought home before vacation – the one where you mixed all that
green. What an amazing job you did!”
Even a few of these very gentle supports can remind children that school
is a welcoming, supportive and growth-promoting place to be. Their place
to be.
Finally, a few thoughts for that First Day Back: If at all possible, make
arrangements to accompany your son or daughter into school. Allow an extra
half an hour or so to explore the classroom together and share a story.
Build in some additional flexibility should s/he need you to stay a little
longer. When you do leave, make your good-byes short and light-hearted.
If your child is upset, phone the school a short while later for an update.
Afterward, at the end of this first day back, find a way to celebrate with
a special story or treat. Let your baby know that warm, loving family connections
are steadfast. Although we go our separate ways in the morning, we always
come back together again...
… in January, just as we did in September.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL DISCOVERY FAMILIES!
SEE YOU IN JANUARY.
December 2009
Easing Holiday Stress for your Child & for You!
Elaine Winter,
Director of Discovery Programs
It’s
no news to parents that holidays bring us joy and stress – sometimes
in equal measure. Two emotions that seem to go hand-in-hand: As much as
we enjoy shopping for those toys our kids are pining for, we dread the lines
and the expense. As much as we look forward to seeing our relatives, these
visits renew old tensions. As much as we enjoy decorating, wrapping, dressing,
and baking, we simply don’t have the time to do them justice. As a
result, we are stressed. Seriously stressed.
While some holiday variables are simply beyond our control, there are ways
to minimize tension. In fact, there is a great deal we can do to tip the
scales toward a family-friendly, relaxing and joyous holiday time. Here
are some ways to ease holiday stress.
1. So,
you want to bake. Your
mother and grandmother made industrial quantity sweets each December. How
can you do any less?
• Bake with and for your children. If you don’t have the time
or capacity to create a fantasyland gingerbread house or a chocolate mousse
cake, make simple sugar cookies (even the frozen kind) and let your kids
add the sprinkles.
• Opt for cooking activities that don’t require precise measuring.
Let your kids help you to grate the potatoes or stir the eggs for yummy
latkes.
2. Travel
is on the docket –
a trip to visit relatives or old family friends, possibly a well-deserved
family vacation. Often the most stressful junctures are the transitions
– leaving, arriving, packing, settling in … coming together
around a collective timetable. It’s not easy even when the destination
is sublime. Here are a few tips for easing that getting-ready-to-go tension.
• In whatever way makes sense to your children, and depending on their
ages, provide them with concrete markers that allow them to predict what
is in store for them. These might be simple large calendar personalized
to highlight the important days, or a bundle of blocks from which you stack
one per day. When all blocks are stacked up, it’s time to go!
• Help your children anticipate what will be needed – take out
the empty suitcases ahead of time and explain that these will hold their
clothes. Talk about breakfast on the road. Assure your youngster that their
favorite transitional toy will travel “right with them” in their
backpack.
• Share photos of what is to come: Gramma, a favorite cousin, snow
covered trees… If time allows, you might sit down together and make
a travel book including drawings or photos of what is to come. (Hint –
Begin with leaving your home and mark the steps of the journey as well as
your destination.) Of course, there is much good children’s literature
to choose from as you set the tone and enrich your child’s travel
experience even before it begins.
3. If you’re
the planner … keep things simple. Remember that stress grows with
each additional transition. You need to have fun too!
• Especially if your family is a large one, try setting group priorities,
so that everybody’s interests are acknowledged. A mom with four children
told me she always travels with four straws. The short one means you’re
a good sport if that day’s activity isn’t your first choice.
It will come. For now, we enjoy this together. As a family. Period.
• Pacing makes all the difference. Once you find a rhythm that works
for your family, stick to it. You don’t have to accept every invitation,
no matter how close the friends. If possible, avoid rushing. Allow lots
of extra getting-there time if your kids are young.
4. Presents,
presents, presents! Whether
you’re guided by style or budget, or a little of both, you probably
have your own approach to family gift giving. Along with your wishes to
bring joy to those you love come many sources of potential stress: finding
the right gift, finding the time to shop for that right gift, wrapping it
and hoping it hits the mark. Here are some ideas:
• Can you buy it online? Will they wrap and ship it?
• Can you split one large gift into many that you give bit by bit?
• Can you make the finding and/or opening of a present a game in itself?
• Finally, our most important gift may be that of a generous and peaceful
spirit. That means being able to let go and savor the moment. It’s
contagious.
5. Holidays
are value-laden. What
do you say with yours? We may not all take our families to work in the soup
kitchen – though it’s a wonderful thing to do. Or visit the
senior home or make God’s Love deliveries. Still the choices we do
make speak loudly and clearly. Through our actions, we tell our children
what matters in our world and we can invite them to get on board. Here are
a few final tips on ways to make this holiday time meaningful to your young
child.
• Make the experience of giving a concrete, hands-on experience –
ask your child to draw, build, stir the bread dough, or lick the stamp.
• Let them play a role in delivery – even if only to the mailbox.
• Use language - such as sharing and helping out - that is non-patronizing.
• Repeat often throughout the year.
Happy Holidays to all Discovery Families!
November 2009
OVER THE RIVER…
Making Thanksgiving Meaningful
November Director’s Letter by Elaine Winter
“Cause it’s important to say thank
you.”
“It’s when you say thank you for your presents.”
“It was a long time ago.”
As these preschoolers tell us, Thanksgiving can be
a confusing holiday! It has no costumes or presents, no candles, hearts,
trees, or fireworks. It does have a turkey, but vegetarian or not, the killing
of a gobbler is hard act to celebrate. So what is it that makes this a special
holiday, and how do we convey that essence to our children?
In many households, Thanksgiving rituals unfold around a steamy kitchen
with an outpouring of delicious aromas. Added to the mix may be football
games, an early morning parade, travel, catching up with loved ones and
a warm and nostalgic feeling of reunion – ingredients we adults anticipate
with pleasure. That this American story is born of the peace forged between
Pilgrims and “Indians” and a long ago meal of turkey and maize
is lost on our toddlers. They are too young to make sense of this historic
encounter, or build relevant connections between that day and ours. Finally,
while Thanksgiving often includes a “thanks to God”, it is not
a religious holiday.
So how do we frame this day in a way that allows our youngest to grasp its
meaning and to celebrate along with us? Here are a few thoughts:
Link it to the heralding of a new season. When Thanksgiving comes, days
have gotten colder. We bundle our children into jackets, hats and mittens.
They play indoors more often than in the park or playground. We’ve
added blankets to their beds, the heat is turned on and bedroom windows
stay closed. The change of seasons is magical to a toddler. We can underscore
it by noting changes as we dress for the outdoors, stroll in the park or
read Keats’ “The Snowy Day” before naps. Thanksgiving
marks the start of wintertime.
Celebrate the earth and with it the foods on our table. Because the concept
of an autumn harvest is a stretch for city tots, it’s a good idea
to make the connections as concrete as possible - to provide a here and
now context. Probably the best activities are regular visits to a farmer's
market. Talk with farmers, look for those brussel sprouts on their stalks,
taste apples and sip cider. If possible, allow your child to choose a fruit
or vegetable that you can prepare together for Thanksgiving, maybe an acorn
squash, or pumpkin. If you have the possibility, apple picking is a wonderful
experience for children, as is a visit to a small, less commercial farm/vegetable
garden where they can pick a carrot.
Enjoy the coming together of loved ones, some of whom travel long distances.
If we are the ones traveling, our child can help us pack. The items we include
will spark talk of what we will be doing. In the weeks before Thanksgiving,
it can be fun to pull out a few photos of folks our child will be seeing
and use them as a springboards for familiarizing conversation. We can sketch
in the previous year, “I remember how full our house was and how many
chairs we had to bring to the table! I remember people were watching football
on TV, and you fell sound asleep on your Uncle Joe’s lap”. Soon
they’ll build memories of their own, but for now you can provide the
scaffolding. They’ll come to learn that Aunt Beth always makes pumpkin
risotto and Alex bakes his special apple pies year after year and Carla
carves the turkey. Family traditions will be remembered and renewed.
When Thanksgiving Day arrives, our children will be ready to enjoy it. We
will be welcoming in a new season, enjoying food fresh from the ground and
reconnecting with those we love. Certainly this is cause for celebration
– and for gratitude.
Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!
October 2009
ARE YOU MY MOTHER?
Talking with Children
about Adoption
By Elaine Winter
Last
spring Discovery teachers created a show for our Puppets in the Park series.
It was performed on a windy April morning to the delight of neighborhood
youngsters. Loosely based on P.D. Eastmann’s much-loved Are you my
Mother? it chronicled a baby bird’s search for its mother. And it
was a hit - each over-the-top interview, with a cow, a dog, a squirrel…
was met with peals of laughter. The joke, of course, is that the baby bird
knows it has a mother (“I must have!”), but does not know what
she looks like so walks right by her unaware.
As I looked into the faces of our young audience, I wondered about the effect
on children in adoptive families. Was there, in this crowd, a boy who knew
that his mom and dad were not his biological parents, children wondering
if an Asian girl was adopted, or a parent who, as in our tale, searching
for her own birth mother without knowing what she looked like? I began to
question our sensitivity in choosing this particular “classic”.
With rapidly growing numbers of adopted children in parenting centers, playgroups
and classrooms, we can expect that sooner or later our children will both
come to us with questions and engage in talk with their peers. As we explain
why Lola’s skin color is different from her mom’s and dad’s,
why 4-year-old Carlos is just learning English, and what it means when a
classmate announces that she was adopted, we can set a tone for future understanding.
The central message is that through adoption, as through birth, a family
is enriched forever. The following is a brief glossary of the language of
adoption. Possibly with this accurate and respectful language at our fingertips
we’ll all find it easier to open relaxed exchanges with our kids.
I hope it proves helpful to your family.
1. The child who enters an adoptive family was – not is – adopted.
Adoption is a one time process and whether it occurred recently or a long
time ago, it is complete.
2. An adoptive child’s birth or biological mother or parents may or
may not play a role in her life. Her “real” parents are those
who raise and love her. They are her family.
3. We say that a child’s biological parents chose adoption for him.
They made an adoption plan. They did not place their baby or give him up.
4. Often parents are eager to learn about their child’s life before
they knew him - his birth history. The birthparents’ names and circumstances
of his birth may or may not be available.
5. Many adoptions cross national borders and are called international or
inter-country, rather than foreign. Trans-racial or cross-cultural adoptions
occur when parents and children are of different racial and/or ethnic backgrounds.
In addition
to answering your child’s questions, you can also initiate conversation
around a story or when watching TV. Here are a few examples:
• Our friends Lauren and Steve have begun the process of international
adoption. They’re hoping to adopt a child from Guatemala.
• In answer to your five-year-old’s question - Why does Carlos
speak Spanish? - Carlos was born in another country. His birthparents chose
adoption for him and now Karen is his mommy.
• Some of the Chinese children in our play group were adopted and
some were not.
• Cleo and Sandy have dinner with their daughter’s birthmom
once a month.
• At first Howard was worried that he didn’t know his daughter’s
birth history, but now that they’re a family, it seems to matter less.
September 2009
READY – SET - SCHOOL
A FRESH LOOK AT PRESCHOOL READINESS
Elaine Winter
a b c d e f g …
We glow when our
toddler sings her alphabet, counts to ten or announces that a box is “actually
a square”. Like a sponge, young children absorb an astonishing amount
information and rapidly make it their own. Surely, successful school experiences
are in all their futures.
In fact, this aptitude for facile learning, a sturdy memory and reliable
recall is a genuine indicator of intellectual prowess. But we all know there’s
more to the story. Much more. What else does go into this readiness package?
Are there other, possibly even more meaningful markers of preschool preparedness?
Indeed, there are several. And the good news is that most of these qualities
– ones that allow youngsters to make the most of and get the most
from their preschool experience - grow straight out of everyday family living.
Here is a look at a few:
TRUST:
It’s safe to say that early preschool experiences require one leap
of faith after another:
• new people – teachers and kids
• new surroundings – a big, bright classroom
• new activities – like touching wet clay
• new demands - speaking up in a group
• new choices – hmmm, painting or legos?
• new expectations - waiting my turn when I really, really want to
get up and go
In order to enjoy these challenges and approach them as new roads to independence,
our preschooler needs to believe that adults, teachers included, are trustworthy
– that they will look out for her, guide her in positive directions,
tune in to her feelings and always keep their word.
How do we engender and encourage this kind of “basic trust”?
Answer: through reasonable expectations, kind, firm and consistent limits
and lots and lots of love. For example: I expect Howie to end his play,
toss his trucks in the toy chest, and join me so we can go to outdoors.
Howie is three. He gets it. He just doesn’t want to do it. He’s
having a great time with those trucks. I take a breath, realizing there
will be multiple steps to this process. First, fair warning, “Howie,
in a few minutes, we’re going to put those trucks away so we can go
outside.” Then, I go in to help by turning it into a game. ”Okay,
I’m sending you a garbage truck…get ready”. I expect Howie
to jump in., but he may balk and put his foot down. In that case, I might
cajole for a minute, then deliver a consequence. “Okay. This is tough
for you right now. I’ll put away all the trucks for you and set them
up here. Before we get them down next time, let’s be sure you’ll
be helping with the clean-up.”
PLAYFULNESS AND IMAGINATION:
I’ll just say it: 3- and 4-year-olds should not be too serious. Their
world should be peopled by silly songs, playful banter and pretend everything.
New language, new ideas and new imagery blossom when children bring their
fantasies to life, swapping scenarios with their parents and pals. Children
try on new personages and perspectives as a way to figure out their world.
And when they overwhelm us with silly nonsense rhymes and riddles (Why did
the peanut cross the road?) and “surprise!” appearances, they
become masters of their own universe, able to turn reality on its head.
We know some toddlers are natural jokesters. Everyone else can use a jumpstart
from their parents. Something most of us do this without even thinking –
from “Silly Billy” and “Ziggy Zachy” to “Momma’s
gonna wear your shoes today, okay?”
RESILIENCE: Resilience is the ability to bounce back after small disappointments
and frustration and it is absolutely central to a child’s first school
experience. In a group situation, your boy may be disappointed because he
is not first in line, not sitting next to Lucy, or not given his favorite
snack; because he didn’t have time to finish his block building, someone
else is using his favorite puzzle, his best bud is absent, and it’s
too wet to play outdoors... etcetera. Fortunately, as parents we have many
(oh so many!) opportunities to help our children manage small disappointments.
Probably the most tried and true path to resolution is - acknowledge, comfort
and move on. “I know you wanted to play a little longer with your
trucks, Howie. Later we’ll make sure there’s lots of time, but
now we have to go out.” The message is – I see you’re
disappointed and I’m sorry about that, but it’s not the end
of the world. More fun times are ahead for sure!
CARING: Instilling empathy in a young child is a subtle, complex and never
ending process. It’s one thing to feel sorry for a child whose balloon
just popped or who fell and skinned her knee. Another to see our own words
or actions as potentially hurtful. I knew a teacher who helped concretize
this process by asking a child to “Look at his face,” in other
words, “Read the emotion there. Her feelings are really hurt.”
Afterwards, teacher and child or parent and child can take steps to remedy
and put things right again.
In any preschool classroom, misunderstandings abound: the overlap of egocentric
thinking with a larger social understanding. So, for example, Stella sits
in the red chair because she’s wanted to all morning. Never mind that
Corey was in the process of lowering herself into that very spot. “I
had it first!” “No, I had it first!” Each child feels
deserving of the chair. Carlos drives his train smack into Teddy’s
block building, toppling it in the process. Bad guy vanquished by good guy
in train! Then instantly, Teddy is in tears. The adult who helps children
regain their calm so they can deconstruct and assume each other’s
point of view builds important avenues for social learning and shared enjoyment.
So, markers of readiness and opportunities to foster them are everywhere
in the daily lives we share with our children. Trust, imagination, resilience
and caring – these are just a few of the qualities that allow children
to immerse themselves happily in a preschool environment; to both enjoy
and contribute to it. In nurturing these traits, we nurture children ready
to make the most of their school experience; children who are adventurous
and eager to try new things, who can persevere when expectations are high,
who build meaningful connections with others, and have a great good time.
They expect good things to come their way and most often they do. These
kids are preschool ready!
Finally, here is one director’s short list of qualities that enable
children to be preschool ready:
1. Confidence and trust
2. An openness to new experiences
3. Comfort with other children and adults
4. Curiosity about lots of things; an eagerness to learn and to know
5. A lively imagination and playfulness with language
6. The ability to follow short (2-step) directions
7. The capacity to focus and to stick with challenging tasks
8. Respect and caring
9. Resilience
10. Pride in new learning, new skills and new accomplishments
June 2009
BUSTIN’ OUT!
Elaine Winter, Director
June is finally here! Off come the layers of sweaters and vests,
leggings and sweats. Our youngsters are bustin’ out! Letting us see
how big they’ve grown, how round and chubby, agile and adventurous,
curious and confident! This growth isn’t only in the eye of the beholder
– our children feel it too, rediscovering their bodies and relishing
in the new freedom that warm weather brings. No matter what age your baby
or child, he becomes a little bigger in June!
As parents, we often celebrate this energy and growth by spending as much
time as we can in parks and playgrounds – our wary eyes scanning for
potential hazards – and in active play spaces where toddlers and up
can test and stretch their bodies’ capabilities, where they can heighten
their spatial awareness and sharpen their executive planning abilities.
Executive planning??? While it may sound like a term straight out of the
board room, in fact, it’s used by psychologists to describe those
areas of cognition that allow children (and adults) to anticipate what’s
ahead and subconsciously prepare their next moves. We can think of it as
the GPS of children’s responses to their world, mapping and guiding
their actions. In the physical realm, executive planning involves sizing
up a physical challenge and formulating a plan. The task might be ‘cruising’
the coffee table, peeling a banana, leaping over a hurdle, or stringing
words together intelligibly.
Though it may sometimes appear innate, executive planning requires nurturing.
It consolidates for our children as they tackle the same challenge or situation
over and over again - then add a new twist. Whether executing a plie’,
manipulating a scissors, alternating steps or grabbing hold of a gymnastics
bar, children may initially misjudge distance and momentum in their first
attempts. Not until after many tries, can a child gauge and coordinate what
is needed with apparent automaticity, then zoom forward as if it were the
most natural thing in the world!
How lucky for us to be their witness, then offer them, in words and hugs,
our kudos for perseverance, stamina and for accomplishment. The trick, of
course, is to support this risk taking by our young athletes and adventurers,
all the while safeguarding against anything more serious than a scraped
knee. Even that, a small bump or scrape, can be perceived as a scary thing
and stand in the way of further daring. With patience and calm, we can say
“It’s part of the territory.” “This won’t
hurt for long.” “You are fine.”, reading as we do our
own child’s ‘reassurance barometer’. As parent, comforter
and educator, we give our daughter the reassurance she needs to get back
on the horse – or scooter or trike; so she can learn from each misstep
in order to create new paths in her network of executive planning and build
foundations for the years to come.
Our youngsters are bustin’ out in June – and learning every
step of the way!
May 2009
AND ON HER FARM SHE HAD A COW...
Elaine
Winter, Director
Two-year-old
Zach lives with three older sisters – in a house full of Dora gear,
princess outfits and pink everything. No matter. In his hands, a Dora figure
becomes Spiderman, a magic wand, a sword, and the pink outfits … well,
invisible. Stella, age four loves to draw. She focuses again and again on
forming long eyelashes and perfect heart-shaped lips. Her classmate Robbie
wields a marker with gusto! Bold strokes and ceaseless sound effects. For
him the outcome is inconsequential as long as the bad guy is vanquished.
Cliché? Sure, but not so the everyday reality of emerging gender
differences in young children. Leaving those of us who strive for gender
equity stymied. Our son is who he is! Our daughter, who she is! Couldn’t
change ‘em if we wanted to. Still…
Researchers remind us that strong gender identification is a healthy developmental
passage among children around preschool age. High on every three- to six-year-old’s
“Who Am I?’ list is “I’m a girl!” “I’m
a boy!” As their parents, it’s helpful to acknowledge and share
in this process of budding self-awareness, of membership in a club.
The dilemma is how to support the development of a sturdy self-image without
reinforcing outdated and limiting stereotypes, instead suggesting a world
of choice and gender-free opportunity? One thing we know for certain –
buying Lucy a truck may be a great idea, but only if she’s truly interested.
If not, it will quickly make its way to the bottom of the toy box, soon
to be donated to the next school fair. Reading “William’s Doll“to
our Josh – same story. But, just as we convey many other values to
our children, we can do so in the realm of gender equity. For example:
• Songs and Stories: Quality children’s literature and music
tend heavily toward male animals, heroes and vehicles. When it’s of
no consequence to the story, you, the reader, can take a little poetic license.
Make the farmer, the duck, or the car a “she”. No commentary
needed, in fact best without. You’re normalizing the fact that it
could be either gender and creating a visual image of farmer Sue on her
tractor. When the reference is specific – as in those mommies and
daddies on the bus - you can also intervene. Daddy doesn’t always
“read, read, read” after all!
• The World of Work: When it comes to our city work force, today’s
titles are clear and helpful. We refer to fire fighters, mail carriers,
police officers …. and this gives us free rein with pronoun follow-ups.
Young children interpret our words with literal deliberateness – a
fireman is a man, of course. The other day, three-year-old Corey asked,
“Can a ladybug be a boy?”
• Playtime: “Boys fill the block area!” teachers tell
us. Right, so how can you make this valuable activity appealing to both
genders? You can include accessory options such as colorful tiles, small
fabric squares, and lots of different people, in addition to vehicles and
street signs. Along with themed toys – our Doras and Spidermen –
be sure your toy box contains open-ended dolls, figures, art and construction
materials. Those buses and trucks your toddler pushes can have spaces for
people to ride in, even mommies and babies. As for dress-up, see what you
can find in fabric stores and thrift shops that will make pretending fun
without being prescriptive.
• Getting Dressed: The best clothing tip I know is “Mix it up!”
Your pink loving daughter should have all that sparkles and flows –
as well as sweats and sneakers. Derek or Thomas (as in “The Train”)
can also wear the unadorned T-shirt not unlike his sister’s. As parents,
you can explain your own wardrobe choices, describing, why today, for example,
you’re wear a suit and earrings, tomorrow cargoes and flip flops.
Sometimes clothes can be just clothes.
• Helping Out: Who can carry this bag of carrots? Lift this stack
of paper? Who can run fast and get a paper towel? Either brother or sister,
of course. Who can fold the napkins? Count out 4 forks? Pull up the bed
sheet? Not all of us grew up with ‘equal opportunity chores’;
it may take a conscious effort.
Finally, why does it matter? The two reasons that jump to my mind are -
respect and opportunity. We want our children, as well as our next generation’s
grown-ups, to respect each other’s different abilities, tastes and
talents. And we wish for them, for our daughters and for our sons, the broadest
range possible of career and life style choices.
Years ago, when I was a teacher of four-year-olds, I took the class to visit
a ship captain in the South Street Seaport. Her name was Diane. She directed
her crew, took us on a tour of her ship, and helped children to hoist a
sail. When we returned to school, I had steering wheels and captains’
hats at the ready. Within minutes, I heard a child call out, “You
can’t be the captain! Captains are boys!” Lesson learned –
one experience, no matter how vibrant and participatory, can’t undo
a world of gender expectation. But by consistently offering our youngsters
alternative references and models, we convey the indelible message that
futures are shaped, not by gender, but by character and commitment.
March 2009
”USING OUR WORDS”
The Intuitive Art of Speaking with Young Children
Elaine Winter, Director
As parents, we find ourselves constantly
conversing, cajoling, comforting, refraining, guiding, joking and explaining.
We develop this art of childspeak “on the job” and most often
without realizing we are doing it. Intuitively we identify and respond to
the tone and level of our children’s needs and queries. It starts
when sing and coo to our babies, when we mimic their first sounds and narrate
our actions. As our toddlers make meaning from words, we experience the
joy of deeper, closer communication and we build on it. We weave a family
language through which they view their world and upon which they construct
their sense of self. Below are some of the conversational avenues through
which we enhance our children’s experience:
BUILDING VOCABULARY BY INTEGRATING IT: A
recent study by professor of education Catherine Snow in the current Harvard
Magazine shows that children’s vocabulary at age five very reliably
predicts the number of words they know in sixth grade. In other words, early
language learning is key. “We know from a number of tests that a very
good predictor of success in literacy is oral language skills. So if kids
are limited in oral language skills that enable them to understand story
that’s read aloud, or to tell a story about an event in their own
lives, then they will have difficulty accessing meaning in the texts they
learn how to read in first grade.” Professor Snow encourages parents
to use “sophisticated vocabulary” integrating new words and
concepts with daily activities: describing how to tie a shoe, for example,
or as we do in our gym, how to crawl over, under or through a hurdle.
BUILDING TRUST BY KEEPING OUR WORD: By
keeping our word, we let children know that we can be relied on. When we
tell them it’s “almost time” to eat, go out or get dressed,
we need to keep our word and allow a few moments before initiating that
transition. Likewise, “If you let daddy finish these dishes, I’ll
read you a story,” is a promise not to be broken. We may give our
toddler a warning: “If you keep throwing those blocks, I’ll
have to put them away”. When he gives that yellow square one more
toss, we’re obliged to return them to the shelf, despite his wails
and protests. (This does not mean that after some calm conversation they
can’t be returned, but only once a renewed agreement has been reached.)
Easier said than done, of course, and at times the difference between harsh
and firm may feel blurred. Yet limits are a gift and our children want to
trust in what we tell them; they want to know that we grown-ups keep our
word.
PRESERVING THEIR SELF-ESTEEM BY ACKNOWLEDGING THE DEED, NOT THE DOER:
When a reprimand
or redirection is called for, our words are most effective, and most kind,
when they address the action, not the child; the deed not the doer. The
deed can always be amended; the doer is the child herself. Our misbehaving
preschooler may listen more readily when we describe the impact of their
actions: “That’s not okay, Herman. It could hurt someone.”
Or if we suggest another option: “Leave that right there. We’ll
find something else to play with.” Or intervene forcefully when safety
demands it: “I want you to stop playing so roughly!” In a similar
way, we reinforce our children’s positive behaviors. We might respond
to our child’s tasting a new food, helping a little brother or putting
on her shoes with words such as, “Good job!” “Just right!”
or “What a great help that was!”
MOVING SMOOTHLY THROUGH THE DAY: Children listen
closely as we narrate their world: as we describe a classmate’s behavior,
or his mother’s, as we help them to anticipate a shopping trip or
explain the need for those seemingly arbitrary events like dinner and bed
times. It is our framing of the event that resonates. We can aim for partnership,
a chore that can be fun if done together or a disappointment less hurtful
because we share it. We can hold on to our respect for the classmate who
grabbed our daughter’s toy or drew on her picture. “That was
not nice of Elsa…. and she is usually a good friend to you.”
Other times, a simple, clear reason will do the trick. “It’s
a job we need to do now.” “It’s time for dinner. Let’s
see what we have”
SHARING OUR LOVE: The
most obvious and important of all our conversations! There are many, many
ways we share our love with our children: through a giggle, a tickle, a
goodnight kiss; a treat, a hug or a trip to the playground. Using our family’s
childspeak, we tell them how great they are: how big and beautiful, smart
and funny, strong and well-behaved. We tell them that they’re the
very best kid in the whole world. We say, “I love you!” over
and over and over again.
Monthly Director's Letters
February 2009
GYM FOR TOTS!!!
By Tonio Perez, Gymnastics Director
of Discovery Programs
Dear Families,
This month’s letter is for parents and caregivers who participate
along with their children in one of our Gym for Tots programs. To make this
experience as positive as possible, Tonio Perez, Discovery Gymnastics Director,
created the following guidelines. Please feel free to share this with your
friends.
What to expect during your gymnastics class.
Welcome to the Gym for Tots Program! The following are guidelines to make
your gymnastics experience and your child’s an enjoyable and successful
one:
ARRIVAL: We
suggest you arrive 10 minutes before your class begins. In our lobby you
will find books, paper and crayons for your child’s enjoyment. You
can leave your shoes to the left of the double doors. Once your child is
inside our state-of-the-art gym, it is perfectly normal for her to want
to run and climb rather than join our circle time, a specific circuit or
activity. If this is the case, it is ok to allow your child to wander and
explore, but make sure you are at her side at all times to ensure her safety.
Soon you can encourage your child to re-join her group or activity. You
are welcome to ask the teacher for assistance.
IN THE GYM: Allow
your child to decide which set of challenges he wishes to work on. He is
likely to work longer and benefit more from the activity in which he expresses
a natural interest. Learning to master a specific task is a favorite toddler
pastime. Allow your child to repeat a skill over and over again. There is
no wrong or right way to use a piece of equipment as long as he is safe.
Let your child be creative and follow his lead.
TRAFFIC JAMS: These
do occur on the equipment. Stay close by to help your child figure out a
way to maneuver. You always can move ahead to the following skill. Please
help your child avoid the frustrations that lead to physical responses by
ensuring a safe distance between children. They need your help for this.
SPOTTING: There
are two different ways to spot your child, the “active” and
the “safety” spot.
The aim of the “active spot” is guiding your child’s movement
so she develops an awareness of her body and establishes those movement
patterns necessary for skill learning. While active spotting, do not hold
her hands so that the arms are lifted higher than her shoulders. The best
spot is to support the pelvis, by placing one open hand flat across her
pelvis and one on the lower back. This way your child is free to move and
develop an awareness of the pelvis as the center of gravity.
The “safety spot” is used when your child has successfully acquired
the learned skill on his own. Be close at hand and ready for action, but
wait as long as is safe before offering physical assistance. The moment
you touch your child her weight will shift; her sense of center and balance
will move to where you have touched her and away from her own center of
gravity. As a guide, allow your child to take the lead and initiate movement.
DEALING WITH FEAR: If
your child stiffens and/or resists an exercise, you may respond in one of
these ways:
1. Skip to the next area.
2. Allow him/her to watch a classmate perform the skill.
3. Model the skill yourself or ask your teacher to demonstrate.
4. Allow him/her to try it with the teacher.
5. We never force a child to perform.
Try again the following week and keep in mind that there are different types
of learners. Some children learn by watching or by listening and others
by moving.
LANGUAGE USAGE: Reinforce
verbally what your child is doing and where he/she is in space. They will
learn the name of the particular skill they are learning and the most important
directional terms. For example, up/down, under/over, before/after, etc…
In addition to the overall body control, strength and balance your child
is acquiring in the gym class, building self-confidence is one of the most
important aspects of the class. Allow your child to explore all the movement
possibilities, and share his excitement with him as he stands on top of
a platform and surveys the world from newfound heights.
TYPICAL CLASS ROUTINES INCLUDE:
Circle Time: Class begins
with a combination of songs, gymnastics body positions and stretching exercises
to prepare the body for movement.
Circuit Rotations: This is
a combination of balance beam, bars, trapeze, rings and tumble track (trampoline).
These rotations include creative movement, imaginary play and lively games.
Closure: Children enjoy the
ritual of bubbles and a goodbye song at the end of each class.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions – tonio@discoveryprograms.com.
